Goodbye My Lover
by Lady Timelord
Summary: 10Rose. Goodbye My lover.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's terribly depressing, but life's life. sigh

Warning: Tissues may be required. Sorry!

_A/N: Firstly, I want to apologise now if this makes you cry... Lots of my fics seem to be sad, I guess it just flows like that, so I am sorry. Secondly, this is dedicated to Bubblez, cos she is cool, and beta'd it for me. Oh and Raxacoricofallipatorius cos she is also cool. Thirdly, I will get an update of 'The Fight to be Together' but I keep getting bitten by plot bunnies, and they take over my brain and threaten to hurt me if I don't right oneshots... sad I know, and a pathetic excuse! I will try and get it done soon though! Promise!!_

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The Doctor was taking a break on Earth. This was occurring more and more since he lost Rose, as it was one of the few places he felt close to her. He was sat in their café near where Rose used to live, sitting at the table they sat at, eating chips. He remembered how last time they were there, Rose had leant over and wiped the ketchup from around his mouth, a smile across her beautiful face. They had begun to act like an couple in love, who'd been together for ages because they fit without realising that's what they actually were. As he sat there, looking down at the plate of chips in front of him, a song crackled onto the radio. Rose had loved the music they played here too, the Doctor didn't care too much, but he'd listened to Rose's music more and more often recently, as the pain in his hearts was getting too much for him just to live on memories, he needed to pretend she was still there. Martha leaving him hadn't helped, she was temporarily filling a hole in his being, delaying the complete onset of grief, but she had decided it was time to go, time to go back and finish her exams and become a Doctor herself. He was alone once again, and alone wasn't what he needed, for he had time to think, time to relive – things he hated doing, as the pain was too much. As the lyrics kicked in the song, the Doctor stopped and listened.

Rose was sat in the cafe near the Powell Estate where she used to live, eating chips, sat where her and the Doctor always sat. Music crackled onto the speakers, and she realised it was the opening music to James Blunt's Goodbye My Lover. She'd been away when it came out, but Mickey was reacquainting her with the music she'd missed. She could feel the tears welling up inside her, as she felt that this song was perfect for the Doctor to sing to her, as he loved her, and had told her many times before what she had done to him.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?_

_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

_'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,_

_Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won._

_So I took what's mine by eternal right._

_Took your soul out into the night._

_It may be over but it won't stop there,_

_I am here for you if you'd only care._

The Doctor's eyes began to overflow with tears and he'd hardly heard any of the song. The tone of the singer's voice, was heartbreaking, and it made him think of Rose. It was true, he had seen the end, he knew that Rose was going to die, and would leave him, but he didn't do anything about it, he just went on travelling with her around Time and Space. He felt so guilty about not paying attention to what the Beast had said, saying she'd die in battle. He should have taken her home there and then, taken her back to Jackie. But he was selfish and didn't want to lose Rose. Although, in the end, he did anyway.

Rose felt the tears threaten to spill down her soft cheeks. She knew that the Doctor had her heart and soul, and that he would have it forever. She knew that she had his, although she also knew that she had to let his go, she had to let him move on, he had so much life left, so many planets to save, and she didn't want her absence to stop him living.

_You touched my heart you touched my soul._

_You changed my life and all my goals._

_And love is blind and that I knew when,_

_My heart was blinded by you._

_I've kissed your lips and held your head._

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed._

_I know you well, I know your smell._

_I've been addicted to you._

The Doctor loved Rose. That he couldn't deny. She'd made him alive again, bought him back from the nothingness he was in after the Time War. She changed the way he looked at life. He remembered when he realised he was in love with her. Just before he sent her back to Earth to save her from the Daleks. That's when he knew. He guessed he'd always loved her, but that was the moment he realised. He realised that his love for her would cloud his judgement so he sent her back to Earth.

The intimate moments, so few, that they had shared together, stolen kisses and a mutual agreement to consummate the relationship that they shared and that meant to much to each other. He remembered lying next to her, watching her sleep, just watching. She looked so beautiful, and now he would never see her face again. He realised tears were flooding down his face as he thought of the prospect of never seeing Rose again, never seeing the woman whom he loved, never seeing his partner, his lover, his soul mate again.

Rose thought about that night they'd spent together. The love that was shared between her and the Doctor had been so important to her, and she hoped to him too. She had been there for him when he needed her the most, and him her, it made their connection so much stronger. Sometimes, in her dreams, she could still feel him holding her, stroking her hair, placing his lips gently on her forehead. Sometimes it was just too overpowering and she had to believe it was him really doing it, that it wasn't just a memory, that she was back inside the TARDIS, and she was with him. It made the reality so much harsher, but for that short while she imagined, remembered, she was happy.

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

The Doctor knew, from the moment he grabbed her hand and told her to run, that they were made for one another. Their hands fitted, they slotted together as though each was a part missing from the other.

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

Rose didn't believe in many things, but she did believe that her and the Doctor were destined to be together, together forever. The Doctor wasn't just her lover, but her best friend and she loved him with all her heart.

_I am a dreamer and when I wake,_

_You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take._

_And as you move on, remember me,_

_Remember us and all we used to be_

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile._

_I've watched you sleeping for a while._

Rose invaded the Doctor's dreams, the Doctor's existence, and as he sat there at the table, salty tears cascading down his freckled cheeks, dripping onto his chips, he let his dreams and memories flood his brain. He knew he had to move on, but he just wasn't ready. It had been 7 long years since Canary Wharf, and he hadn't done anything. He'd led a normal life, no risk taking, no nothing. Rose had taken his life from him, made him the broken man he was before her again. He would never let his memories of Rose leave him, but it was time he pushed them away to let him live his life like she'd want him too. In his mind he saw the beach, he saw the tears flowing freely from her beautiful eyes, he saw her laughing with Sarah Jane, he saw her sleeping on the sofa in the console room, blonde hair draped gently across her sleeping features.

Rose dreamed of the Doctor every night. She remembered adventures they went on, remembered how they'd been to the very café she was in right then and ate chips and laughed and joked. Rose dreamt of things that hadn't happened, what they might have done if she hadn't fallen, what might have happened if he hadn't come back from France and Madame de Pompadour. She imagined him after the beach, wondering if he cried, laughed or moved on quickly. She hoped he didn't but that was the thing about the Doctor, he was unpredictable.

_I'd be the father of your child._

_I'd spend a lifetime with you._

_I know your fears and you know mine._

_We've had our doubts but now we're fine,_

_And I love you, I swear that's true._

_I cannot live without you._

The Doctor had wondered after the beach when Rose had said that there was a baby, whether she'd lied, and I was her who was pregnant. That one time they'd truly shown their love for one another, he didn't remember using protection, but that didn't mean she was pregnant. If he was totally honest with himself, he had wanted a family with her, he loved her so much, and he wanted to be part of a family again. He knew Rose would make a wonderful mother, but he didn't want to be the one to ruin their relationship, he didn't feel they were ready, he didn't think things would last. Even though he knew that she loved him with all her heart, and he loved her with his, there was a doubt in his mind. Sat there in the café he thought it was stupid, worrying over such little things like if she wanted to have kids when they had things such as saving the world to do. He knew the he loved her enough to give up travelling and to settle down, and he'd even considered it now, domesticating himself just for her, despite her not being there. But he realised that he could barely live in the TARDIS without her, let alone on earth.

Rose pulled the locket from around her neck. Inside were two pictures, one of her and the Doctor, and one of her son, John. His son. Their son. The two most important men in her life. She'd even changed her last name to 'Smith' to make herself feel closer to him, and to make sure their son was named after him, or at least his 'human' name. Her own little John Smith. He looked just like his father, same hair, same chocolate brown eyes, even the same freckles. She was so lucky to have him, she'd told him all about his father, how they travelled around saving people – she left out the aliens part, and the fact that he was half alien, at least until he was older – told him everything she could remember, his hopes, his fears, his stories, her memories. She didn't know what she'd do without her son, she was the only part of the Doctor she had left, and would die without him, for she had no reason to live on this planet. It wasn't hers, she shouldn't be there.

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

What hurt the Doctor more so, was that he never got to say goodbye. She was ripped from existence, screaming his name, and then left crying on a beach before he got to declare his love, and to say goodbye. He'd burnt up a sun to do so, but still never did it. Sobs issued from him, and people looked on, as this man cried into his hands at the table by the window.

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

She wished she'd got to say goodbye. She told him she loved him, and waited for a reply, a reply that got cut short, a reply that would have helped her grieve. It wasn't fair. She began to truly cry, holding her locket close to her chest, holding him to her heart. She was so happy John wasn't there to see it, his mother crying like this, to a song, but she couldn't help it.

_And I still hold your hand in mine._

_In mine when I'm asleep._

_And I will bear my soul in time,_

_When I'm kneeling at your feet._

He placed his hand down on the table, and Rose did the same, and their hands touched, despite being so far apart yet to close. They each looked up towards the empty space in front of them, each sensing the other on the adjacent worlds. He was alive. She was alive, and there they were, together again, yet so far away.

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow._

_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

He pulled his hand away. He'd made his decision a long time ago, that no matter how empty he felt, if he found out Rose was alive and well he'd attempt to move on. He grabbed a serviette and dabbed at his eyes and breathed in deeply, harsh jagged breaths, let out in a final sob. He had too. He knew Rose was alive. He knew she'd be okay, and that she'd felt him. They'd survive.

Rose felt him move his hand from the spot. She knew what he'd done. They had a connection no one could ever explain. She knew he wanted to move on, but that he couldn't because of her. And she was now able to let him go, let him do what he wanted to do, out of that one simple touch from such a distance. She had John to think about, to raise, and knowing that the Doctor was alive she could do so. She blew her nose on the serviette and stood up. Today was the day that she could love the Doctor from afar and still live her life.


End file.
